My name is Nik, and I am a hypocrite.
I have written many a post in my day, in both this blog and my old one. However, I have not always lived according to what I wrote. No one ever wants to become a hypocrite, least of all me. Yet, inadvertently, I have become the very thing I have hated. Perhaps you say I judge myself to hard; but if I say one thing and live another, what do you call that?
I have lied.
I have cut corners.
I have let my eyes wander.
I have toyed with unholy thoughts.
I have been irritable.
I have wasted time.
I have presented myself as spiritual when I haven’t been.
And not only that; what about the things I have not done?
I have not loved my neighbor as myself.
I have not used my time to pursue God.
I have not been devoted to my spiritual practices.
I have not cared about the lost and dying world outside my door.
What am I?
I am all this and more:
“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: Their feet are swift to shed blood: Destruction and misery are in their ways: And the way of peace have they not known: There is no fear of God before their eyes.” – Romans 3:10-18
I am a criminal worthy of damnation. The worst sin is not necessarily an act; it is an attitude. It is called pride. It can infiltrate the highest levels of religion; and far too often it has found a home in me.
“… if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away, behold all things are become new.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17
All the above? That’s the Old Nik. According to Romans 6, Old Nik is dead and buried; has been for some time now. He pops his head in every once in a while; but he is dead. He has legally been ousted. The New Nik is here. I am no longer all of the above.
I am in Christ.
I am pure.
I am free from sin.
I am accepted with God.
I have been adopted as His son.
He has given me…
“…beauty for ashes”
“… the oil of joy for mourning”
“… the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” – Isaiah 61:3
How has this happened?
“And, having made peace through the blood of [Christ’s] cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight…” – Colossians 1:20-22
Though I utterly deserve to be damned by God, I have peace with Him because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I no longer have to wear a mask and pretend I’m good or spiritual, because in Him, I actually can be good and spiritual. There is no room for pride at the cross. It goes; for God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. I can only live the life He has called me to by His grace. Nothing else can do it. Only by His grace; only by Him.
A similar post by a friend: http://www.cowtippinjosh.com/2011/03/im-a-hypocrite.html
The sermon that stirred these thoughts: http://ellerslie.com/Eric_Ludy_Sermons/Entries/2012/4/29_When_a_Pastor_Leads_a_Double_Life.html